Why Self Care Isn’t Selfish | Selfishness and A Course in Miracles

What is the Difference Between Selfishness and Self-fullness?

Being a coach and psychotherapist, people often talk to me about wanting to make significant changes in their lives, but they’re afraid doing so would be selfish.

Sometimes these changes feel big – like ending a marriage or letting go of or reprioritizing other relationships, choosing to work or to stay home with kids, quitting a career and going back to school to pursue a dream vocation.

Other changes may not seem as significant – like hiring household help or an assistant, not over-working or over-functioning, taking more time for themselves, or spending less energy on what others think they should be doing.

Regardless of the form it takes, the perception of selfishness is what often stops people from honoring their own needs and moving toward their heart’s desire.

The other side of that coin is that people judge others as selfish for prioritizing their own wants and needs.

I call bullsh*t on the whole thing. As A Course in Miracles teaches – “Selfishness is of the ego, but Self-fullness is of spirit because that’s how God created it.”

Labeling our self-caring actions as selfish is just a convenient way for the ego to shame us out of being loving. Whether that is directed at ourselves or other people, it’s the same thing.

Fear would have us criticize, find fault, make guilty, blame, attack, and contract.

Love would encourage us toward joy, peace, contentment, fulfillment, innocence, and expansion.

Condemning ourselves or others for doing anything is all part of the same ego game of separation. It keeps our attention focused on scarcity, lack, limitation, believing that if others have what they want, somehow we won’t have what we want. Or the reverse – having what we want will result in another’s suffering and loss.

That idea is just another demonstration of the central erroneous thought that is at the root of the ego’s entire thought system: someone is always guilty.

But what if no one is? What if everyone is innocent and perfect as an extension of God?

Shifting our perception and making the decision to see ourselves as One Son of God instead of separate beings negates the ego’s whole argument. If we are all One then no one can be selfish, no one can do anything at the expense of another because there is no “one” and there is no “other”.

So how can we return to and reclaim this truth about ourselves and thus transform selfishness to self-fullness?

A Course in Miracles teaches us that God is Love, and we are extensions of God – therefore, we are Love. That is all we are, and all anyone else is. Anything else is false – an illusion made up by the ego.

As love, our only function in the world is to extend love. Love is all there is. Only love is real. Love is what we are made of. It’s the only thing that is eternal. It’s all we can be.

The only thing that makes it seem like we or anyone else is anything other than love is our wish to see ourselves and our bros as guilty.

Why?

Because we are all walking around believing we are separate beings, guilty of rejecting God.

The ego has taught us to believe that we can get rid of our guilt by projecting it onto our brothers and seeing them as guilty. This perception isn’t true, but we’ve bought into it and it holds our idea that we are separate from God securely in place.

But as soon as we make the decision to see our bros and ourselves as innocent the whole idea that we could be anything other than love (including selfish) falls apart.

Here is where A Course in Miracles gives us the beautiful and amazingly transformative practice of true forgiveness to help us dissolve the guilt in our minds and return us to remembering our innocence by remembering the innocence of everyone else.

This kind of forgiveness is how we fulfill our function of extending love.

True forgiveness undoes the belief that anyone is guilty of being selfish or anything else. It dissolves the idea of guilt altogether. It reminds us that God is perfect, has created us perfect, and we remain perfect as One Son of God – no separation is possible.

Here’s how it works: when I’m tempted to see someone as anything other than love, I remember that I’m believing in a dream that says God is imperfect and therefore capable of creating imperfectly.

I remember that I know that isn’t true – I know that I’m just projecting my belief that I’m guilty onto this person.

I forgive myself for my belief in this dream of guilt, and I ask Spirit to change my mind and help me see the situation differently.

I release it and let it go.

That’s the process of releasing guilt, which automatically extends love.

The more love we extend, the more love we’re able to receive. We fulfill our function and our function fulfills us.

This is mirrored back to us in the world by our entire experience being more loving – toward others and ourselves. Our relationships, our actions, our perceptions, our intentions, our communication, our work.

Everything becomes easier, lighter, brighter, softer, and more beautiful.

Nobody’s being selfish, including us.

Instead, life becomes self-full.

Why Self Care Isn’t Selfish | Selfishness and A Course in Miracles

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